In my opinion...

The newest in Chicagoland water entertainment! CC's Indoor WaterWorld

2006-10-07T22:07:00.000-05:00

Extra! Extra! Read all about it! I have now opened up a water amusement park in my very own condo! Here are some of the lovely attractions available at my amusement park:

Hallway Slip-N-Slide. Bonus prize if you can make it all the way into the closet!

Sliding Glass Door Aquarium. Come and see all the wildlife of the Condo Pond as it slowly leaks into my home. Bring your galoshes!

Wet-dog fetch championships. Can your dog get to the sopping-wet tennis ball before Mona and Ellie? Afterwards, let your dog jump all over my couch to complete the paw-print design I've been yearning for.

Furniture climbing challenge. See if you can navigate the condo without touching the ground by climbing the furniture that has been stacked against the walls!

Dirty cement floor world. Can you step on more things than me in 60 seconds? You can be a winner!

Name That Smell! Mildew, mold, wet carpet? Put your nose to the test!

Death by electrocution. Try plugging in the appliances that got wet... you could be the lucky winner who avoids... death by electrocution!!

Please be advised, there is no seating in the entire complex. Eating must be done while standing at the counter top. You will need to sign the waiver before entering. Proceeds will go to the Carolyn-is-Suing-the-Condo-Association Fund.

PSA #0001 "Mind the children please!"

2006-09-10T20:51:00.000-05:00

I was at the Sox game on Thursday and I was sitting in front of Mr. Extremely-Loud-Obscenity-Man. I spent the game in fear of either bleeding from the ears, or getting hit by this man who clearly has anger management issues. This man was screaming at the players, had a booming voice, and would utter a string of obsenities- not only at every out, but every... single... time... the players were unable to execute.
Foul ball? @#$(&!@
Error? @($*#*!!
Strike out? @#$*@(#$*! *$)#@*!$*@)#($.
The other team gets a base hit? $#$1$ @#$% ^& #%$^!!!??!?!?
I think you get the point. Never ONCE cheering on the team... unless you count ordering each batter to "get it done". At one point, he was even booing our own team. (Don't even get me started on THAT). I am all for cheering on your team, yelling in excitement, even getting upset over bad calls. But his behavior was not only ANNOYING, but there were at least 10 kids within 10 seats of him. Each and every child, now exposed to an extensive vocabulary of obscenities. So here is my annoucement.

"If you see kids around under 5, keep your filthy, truck driver, negative, hateful mouth SHUT."

You are in public. You are at a place where families gather to enjoy America's favorite pasttime. You are also annoying as all get out.

Also, don't reproduce. We don't need a bunch of these kids walking around, dragging their knuckles just like Daddy.

pick a number

2006-09-05T16:52:00.000-05:00

ok... if you are going to play you have to follow the rules. NO PEEKING at the comments until after you have chosen your number!

Pick a number
1.....2.....3.....4

what happens in vegas...

2006-09-05T16:39:00.000-05:00

i had a lot of fun in vegas this weekend... but there really aren't many stories to tell. well, there are stories to tell, but they just won't be very funny to you, the reader. but... here are somethings that i learned that i reeeaaally like...
1. winning money (it all started with that voucher... cha-CHING)
2. watching drunk people
3. playing blackjack
4. free drinks
5. people who can jump really high and bend themselves in crazy ways
6. winning more money
7. my friend gina!!
8. impersonating french people
9. playing the pick a number game (see future post)
10. dueling piano bars

there are also things i don't like... such as losing money, sweating in the insane heat, walking in dressy shoes, and people who don't know how to walk in straight lines.

viva las vegas baby!

Great expectations

2006-08-27T14:32:00.000-05:00

Look at this kid. He is clearly anticipating someone wonderful about to happen. Maybe he is about to get a big ol' sundae with a cherry on top. Or that's what he THINKS. In reality he is getting a bowl of slop. That is sometimes how I feel about life in general.
I have been really disappointed so far in the activities that I have been attending with my singles group. I always have these pictures in my head of how these activities will be, and the reality is really depressing. For example, I went to "Jammin at the Zoo" this Friday. This is a fundraiser event for Lincoln Park Zoo, where you can go and listen to a band play there. Here is the version that took place in my head... and then the real version.
Imaginary: There is a section of the lawn staked out for our group of 50. We've all brought blankets and are sprawled out enjoying the cool night air, good conversation, and of course- the music.
Reality: There is no room on the lawn. The few of us who brought blankets are regretting it because now we are hot and holding blankets. There is no room for sprawling, instead there are sweaty people as far as the eye can see, and I'm trying really hard not to let my sweaty arm touch their sweaty arms. I HATE that feeling! The conversation is stilted and awkward, and not nearly as focused on me as I would have liked. I knew two songs that the band sang, but I really could barely hear them.

This got me to thinking... the one thing that I have always looked forward to is being a wife and mother. In my imaginary family we sleep in late on Sundays, curl up and watch baseball snuggled up on the couch. My husband frequently tells me how much he adores me, and will often sneak up behind me, brush my hair away from my neck, and plant me with loving kisses. My children are well-behaved, intelligent, witty, clean, and obedient. They enjoy spending time with each other and successful in everything that they do. The dog fetches the paper, and my husband's slippers. My in-laws get along famously with my family. My husband is rich, successful, and has lots of time at home with me and the kids. OH- and he LOVES buying me jewelery. In reality... I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

The advantages of having dogs

2006-08-21T16:15:00.000-05:00

I have found that having two cute
little dogs is a great way to meet people. Everyone wants to know how old they are, and what breed they are, and do they shed? Can I pet them? Will you give one to me? It's all very nice, and I don't mind people asking questions... but why are they never single males between the ages of 25-35?

OMG has it been that long!?!

2006-08-16T19:23:00.000-05:00

I can't believe it has been two weeks since my last post. What's worse is that I really have NOTHING to write! And yet, I will.

Here are some things to try when you are really bored.
1. Stick a post-it note to one of your dog's paws. Just trust me on this.
2. Blog something. It doesn't even have to be funny. (Please refer to current post.)
3. Shop online! (Use this one sparingly... very dangerous.)
4. Work ahead in your work/school projects. HA! I can't believe I said that with a straight face.
5. Line up your bobble-head dolls and see who can bob their head more times. Of course you will have to come up with a system to ensure that the same pressure is applied to the same area of each bobble head doll. You know, to make the data more reliable.
6. Join an online dating service... It should take you at least 6 hours to fill out your profile.
7. Make up a different persona for each dating site, a la whatever-that-movie-was.
8. Choreograph a dance to your favorite song. I did one for "Juicy". It's funny as hell, but NO ONE will ever see it.
9. Paint each of your toenails a different color. If someone notices say OH MY GOD! How did THAT happen!?!? Then run off crying.
10. Stick a post-it note to one of your dog's paws. Oh, wait. I already said that... You HAVE to try this!

Workplace demands

2006-08-03T21:17:00.000-05:00

It has been suggested that I come up with a list of my own demands that should be met on my typical day at work. I've been thinking on it, and here are a few...

1. Everyone at work is to follow these pooping rules.
2. Without warning or explanation, I am allowed to slap one stupid person a day.
3. I reserve the right to immediately discharge 2 patients per month with documented proof that they or their family members are being unreasonable.
4. One large chocolate martini is to be served to me while I am completing my documatation.
5. I actually want my two 15-minute breaks that I am entitled to by law. I am allowed to take them whenever I want, regardless of who wants/needs/insists upon what.
6. Every time I have to clean a patient after using the bathroom, I want the immediate follow up to be a five-minute massage by a hot model of my choice.
7. If scheduling makes an error, they have to come down and explain their idiocy directly to the patient.
8. Each time administration takes away a benefit or adds a stress to our day, they have to put $1000 in a jar for our "happy hour" fund.
9. 24/7 access to a dessert bar.
10. Every weekend is to be a 4-day weekend.

Please, feel free to add to this list in the comments section... I'd like to perfect the list before presenting it to my supervisor.

Mr. Woe-is-me

2006-07-31T21:05:00.000-05:00

A few weekends ago I went out with a friend of mine to a bar with her boyfriend and a slew of his friends. I have met most of his friends before, but there was a new one that I had never seen. I was just sort of watching him, and I thought "He's kinda cute, I should go strike up a conversation." I did, and I found after a short time that this is Mr. Woe-is-me.

It's not his fault that he has a job that can be described as "shady" at best, and therefore has no health insurance.
It's not his problem that he is 30 and still lives with his parents.
He "used to" have an alcohol problem, but now he has it under control. ($90 tab later...)
Every place we were "sucked" and he was constantly threatening to "go home, cuz he's tired of this bullshit".
He was drunk as hell, but had no problem getting behind the wheel of a car.
Idiot.
It's one thing to be dealt a shitty hand- it's quite another to sit there and bitch about it. Either play the hand you are dealt, or fold and wait for the next one.

Can I have this weekend back please??

2006-07-30T21:32:00.000-05:00

I had high hopes for this weekend. Booze cruise on Lake Michigan with a fireworks show, parents have the dogs for the night, spending the night at my fabulous friend Sasha's house, and getting a sunburn while enjoying Taste of Lincoln- one of the biggest fests of the summer.

So Sash and I hit the town around 4 to start our weekend extravaganza. Oh... My... God... It was hot. Heat index of 100 hot. I know that I have some readers in hot, hot places like TX and AZ- but bear with me here. So I'm trying to look cute. This is difficult for me under the best of circumstances, but much more so when dripping in sweat. We opted to not go to the fest on Sat due to the heat, and instead enjoyed some $5 martinis in the A/C.
Fast forward to the "booze cruise". There are MAYBE 15 guys on the boat. There are MAYBE 2 two that I would attempt to converse with. The bonus was that the fireworks were nice, and I met two PTs in the area. There is a lady on the boat that I SWEAR is an fast fwd of me in 40 years. (See pic.) Picture this: 60+ y/o with gray hair in matronly ponytail and... glasses on a pearl chain. Oh dear.
Next Sasha and I try to catch a cab. TRY being the operative world. We walked around for 45 minutes looking for a cab. 45 minutes! In downtown Chicago!?! We ended up taking the el home instead. Home by 12.
This morning- breakfast at IHOP (yum), and took the early train home. It was just too damn hot to go to the fest today.
So I came home and took a nap.
Party animal.

I need a Corona... stat!

2006-07-28T15:30:00.000-05:00

So, at work we get a list of patients who are going to be admitted in the next day or two. Sometimes there are special considerations that need to made for a patient, such as my patient I had a few weeks ago who needed to have a private room due to reverse isolation precautions from a liver transplant. This information is found on that list of patients under "special considerations". (Clever, huh?)ANYway... the guy being admitted to our unit had a few special considerations...

1:1 sitter.
1 can of Old Style q6 hours.

What kind of medical emergency requires a beer?!? I think I need a can of Old Style q2 hours to put up with these patients...

I just keep telling myself... "I love my job"

2006-07-26T19:09:00.000-05:00

So I'm in the hall talking to one of my patients, and the conversation goes something like this:

Pt: Live life. It's free. But don't be TOO free. I'm 100. I can say that.
Me: Good point Pt.
Pt: Really, this advice is free. You have to take life as it comes. I can say that, I'm 90.
Me: You just said you were 100.
Pt: It doesn't matter. How young are you?
Me: I'm 28.
Pt: 28? That's great. ... ... You need to lose weight.
Me: Umm... Thanks, Pt.
Pt: Seriously. No mostaccoli for a month.
Me: O.K.
Pt: I can say that. 'Cause I'm 82.

Testing 1, 2, 3..

2006-07-25T19:33:00.000-05:00

Thanks Courtney!

Thank you mastercard

2006-07-25T19:22:00.000-05:00

30,000 mile maintenance.................$419
Membership dues for singles group.......$xxxx
Mortgage................................$xxx
Stress-relieving mani and pedi..........$35
Venetian night cruise...................$35
Groceries...............................$87
Student loans...........................$ungodly amounts
Not to mention misc. bills..............$xxxx
________________________________________
Being in a lower tax bracket............ Priceless.

Top 10 reasons I love baseball

2006-07-23T15:43:00.000-05:00

I know that most 28-year-old women could probably go an entire year without watching a single inning of baseball and not think that a thing was missing from their life. I, however, am not like most 28-year-old women in many ways- and this is one of them. I... LOVE... baseball. Let me tell you why.

1. The boys are really nice to look at. At least some of them- and the camera people love to zoom up real close to them often throughout the broadcast. This is probably the girliest reason that I like baseball.

2. I'm a huge White Sox fan, and have been for years. I love going to the website and seeing "world champions" pasted all over the place. You have to understand, that historically I was just happy when they broke .500.

3. Jon Garland. Don't ask me why, I have been a fan of this boy since the first game he started with the White Sox. And right now he is the most consistant pitcher for the Sox. Kind of the same concept as #2.

4. A.J. Pierzynski. I hated him when he played for the Twins, but now I love his hard-assed, in-your-face mentality.

5. It doesn't get much better than a beer in one hand, and a hot dog in the other at the ballpark.

6. Guys are impressed when you can quote baseball stats. It probably doesn't help my problem of this-is-Carolyn-my-buddy/pal/friend, vs. this-is-girlfriend-material. Oh well.

7. Today Ozzie yelled at Garland for NOT hitting a batter. Jon tried twice and missed the batter both times, and boy it looked like he heard about it in the dugout. Ozzie even said in the press conference that he was mad Garland missed. We HAVE to retaliate when ourplayers get hit, he said. (At least that's what I THINK he said... he's really hard to understand.) What other sport can you get in trouble for NOT causing physical injury to another player? Priceless.

8. You can watch the game and do any of the following things at the same time: laundry, cleaning, sleeping, homework, sex, sleeping, napping, ... oh hell, you can do anything while you watch the game. And here's the thing.... NOT MISS A THING. Not anything you won't catch in a 30-second highlight reel. This may seem like a negative, but it's one of my favorite things about watching baseball.

9. Jon Garland waved at me once. Mostly because I was screaming his name and waving a sign, but he might have looked at me while he waved... and that is worth it. My poor friend was slouched waaaay down in her chair from embarrassment, but I was so CLOSE to him... I couldn't resist. =)

10. The baseball season is 8 months long and there is a game on nearly every day. Yay.

I'm a computer genius. But maybe a little socially awkward.

2006-07-22T11:44:00.000-05:00

So, I figured out Gina's problem with links, changed the titles on my little sidebar thingy, and added all kinds of other people's blogs to my list. The question is, is it proper blog etiquette to ask permission before adding random strangers to your links list? If so, I am asking now... can I put you guys on my list? If not, too bad. How's that for etiquette??

ANYways, I figure we're now BFF even though I really only 1.5 of you (Courtney, you count as a 1/2 because I physically met you, but really don't know much about you), and even though most of you don't even know my real name.

Can we get a BFF necklace broken into that many peices? (Don't worry G, you get the biggest peice) =)

BTW, my name is Carolyn.

Mr. Competitive

2006-07-19T17:31:00.000-05:00

So I went to this beanbags tournament where the grand prize was tickets to the Cubs or Sox. I was looking around to see if there were any young men who caught my eye. Across the room I see a clean-cut, well-dressed, spiky-haired guy involved in a game with 3 other people. I thought, "Hmmm, he may be a possibility..." and then BAM!! He turned into the anti-christ! His opponent missed a point and he went crazy screaming and yelling how he was the champion and everyone else sucks (essentially). I swear if he were in the animal kindom his feathers would be puffed to the max and he'd be beating his chest with his little wings. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy competition as much as the next bird (not to mention winning...) but I try to avoid the in-your-face, you-suck mentality that this man has adopted and mastered. Major turn off.

Livin' the highlife

2006-07-19T17:25:00.000-05:00

So, I recently joined this club for singles in the Chicagoland area. Basically they put out a calendar of events where you can pick and choose where you want to go. They have everything from salsa lessons to skydiving- and everything in between. They even plan trips to places all over the world. It is not a dating service, but it is all singles and people have been known to find the love of their lives. I've attended two events so far, and have noticed that there are several different types of men out there. It made me think of those Mr. Men books from when I was little. You know, Mr. Hungry who weighs a ton because he is constantly eating; Mr. Happy who is always smiling no matter what the circumstances; and so on. So be on the lookout for future installments of 'In my opinion' where I will spread my vast knowledge of men throughout the cyber world...

The lastest in my quest for physical fitness: Ow, that hurts my vagina.

2006-07-18T20:49:00.000-05:00

So, I went on a bike ride today. I figure this is a great way to enjoy the weather and avoid the gym. Well I don't know what I am doing wrong, but should this be painful? Maybe its the recent lack of activity down there, but this bike ride beat the hell out of me. Between the salad and my bike I think I might just stay overweight. =Þ

(I wonder if all this talk about vaginas will increase my blogability...)

OK, so I'm a little competitive...

2006-07-17T22:54:00.000-05:00

Alright. I admit it. I need help. I am relatively new to the blog world, and I really enjoy reading other people's humorous stories. But I am finding that only two people ever post any responses. It very well may be that only two people are even READING them. SO - I am asking for advice. What is it that makes you want to go visit other people's blogs? I like to visit Courtney's because she is the one who got me onto this whole blog thing. The other blogs I like are links from hers, or links from those people. Specifically Pheebs, Linny, and Phil. They are my blog idols. I wonder if they would pass on some words of advice.... I need to see some numbers on here people!!

p.s. I'm going to need some help from those of you who actually KNOW these people.

p.s.s. ... Maybe I should try being witty or clever... Nah.

Salad: Friend or foe?

2006-07-02T17:58:00.000-05:00

I just had a salad. For dinner. It was pretty good I must confess. There was all kinds of good stuff like baby greens, tomotos, cyuk's (that's my family's way of saying cucumbers.), not to mention bacon, croutons, and about half a bottle of dressing. (How else do you think I ate an actual SALAD for dinner??) So here's the thing. I'm "eating healthy" but I know that in about 5.9 minutes I'll be hungry again. It's almost like the salad is taunting me. "Go ahead... TRY and eat healthy... But I'm getting things riled up in here so that you will crave a triple cheeseburger so fast it'll make your head spin." Evil salad.

Grey's anatomy lyrics

2006-06-17T21:38:00.000-05:00

Here are some of my favorite lines from the Grey's soundtrack:

1. Look me in the eye and tell me you don't find me attractive. Look me in the heart and tell me that you won't go.

2. Where do you go, with your broken heart in tow? What do you do with the leftover you?

3. I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images, and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned.

4. Wait, wait 'til the signs are right. Wait 'til the perfect time. And you will wait too long. He will be gone.

5. And the talking leads to talking. And the talking leads to sex. And then there is no mystery left.

6. Fools in love, gently hold each others hands forever. Fools in love, gently tear each other limb from limb.

Why is it...

2006-06-17T21:25:00.000-05:00

...that you normally have so much to say, but when you go to post on your blog you are suddenly devoid of humor or insight?
...that everyone's advice about finding "the one" is "stop looking, and it'll happen"? Clearly, I am ALWAYS looking. You may as well tell me to stop breathing in and out.
...that it takes no time at all to create a mess, and forever to clean it up?
... that the two days that comprise a weekend seem to go so much faster than two days of the workweek?
...that every minute task takes on great importance when you are trying to avoid completing "real" work?
...that if a guy likes me back, he automatically becomes less desirable?
...that if a guy doesn't like me back- even if I don't like him all that much, he is now much more desirable?

Time flies when we're burning the candle at both ends...

2006-05-25T20:37:00.000-05:00

It has been so long since I have been on here... but, seeing as how I have no loyal readers I think it'll be okay.

What to talk about today... How about taking two steps forward and one step back? So, I'm on the way to the gym today and I'm STARVING. The only thing I had in the car were some chocolate chip cookie sandwiches that I bought. (Why do I buy this crap?!?) So I ate two. TWO. On my way to the gym. I should have just turned the car around and went home to eat real food and skipped the gym altogether. Lord knows I would have saved on gas and had more time to play on the computer.
Speaking of which, I SHOULD be doing my neuroanatomy homework right now. But I'm ADDICTED to this game called qwyzzle. There are 100 levels and I think I will be obsessed until I get there. I just started playing this game last week and I am already on level 67. I really need to get a life.
So a common theme here is that I have the best of intentions (going to the gym, doing homework) but I somehow get sidetracked (cookies, qwyzzle) and take one step back. Although I think in both these cases I'm actually taking one baby step forward and two giant leaps back. Oh well, at least all of that stepping forward and backward ends up being some good exercise.

I'm a delicate flower.

2006-05-17T15:54:00.000-05:00

Ok. There are just certain things that I will not ingest voluntarily. I think it goes without saying that ANYTHING on the Fear Factor makes the top of the list. Here are some other absolute no-nos.
1. Mustard
2. Pickles
3. Mushrooms
4. Olives of any color
5. Nuts
6. Fruit in my dessert. I'm sorry, do not try to sneak anything healthy in my desserts.
7. Anything clumpy. I'm talking mashed potatoes with lumps, cottage cheese, etc.
8. Foods of different consistancies touching on my plate. If I'm going for seconds, make sure you put the new food in the space where the old food was. None of this mashed-potatoes-where-the-jello-used-to-be business. And heaven forbid you place food on top of food that is already there.
9. Peanut butter and jelly. I think this goes along with 8... way too many consistancies in one bite.
10. I really can't think of a 10th, but I like well-rounded lists.

I think that the worst form of toture would be to sit me down and ask me to eat any combination of these items. You'd think with all this pickyness that I would be a tiny little thing, but unfortanately, the foods that make up my top 10 list may as well be stuck right onto my middle. That is where they are going to go anyway. I've been going to the gym to support my eating habits, but I seem to ge actually GAINING weight. They say it's 'cause I'm building muscle. The better to punch you in the face with if you try put fruit in my cake.

Where have all the "better" men gone?

2006-05-17T15:34:00.000-05:00

Ok. That's it. I've had it up to HERE with people giving me unsolicited love advice. If I hear another person tell me that I "could do better" than the current person I'm interested in... I just might go postal. You'll find me on the top of a belltower someplace with a semi-automatic screaming "WHERE is he? What do you people know that I don't know!?!?!"
Another great one is "You are such an amazing person. You're gonna make some lucky guy really happy one day." One day? ONE DAY!?!? WHEN!? Sometime this millenium?? My biological clock is ticking LIKE THIS... and my eggs are rotting inside me!! (Courtesey of "The Bachelor") Where are these "better" men who will be so lucky when I find them? I have searched in cyberspace, speed dating, under the tables at parties... I have just run out of places. I've even tried that thing you're supposed to do if you're lost. "Stay in one place, and someone will find you." Well, I have a really hard time believing that someone is going to find me in my living room. I know what you are all thinking. "You're trying too hard" or "Clearly, this woman has lost her mind". Well, let me tell you... ... ...oh crap, I really have no rebuttal. Maybe it's true. I kind of hope that it is, because then the part about there being somebody wonderful out there is true too.

Just when I think I know what I'm doing...

2006-05-15T19:36:00.000-05:00

Yeah... So I decided to get rid of "the boy" because of all of those lovely reasons I mentioned before and THEN... he decides to be thoughtful. And nice. Damn him. I always say I'm just looking to meet a nice guy. Well, here he is. And when he's around I'm like "Yay, fun!" And when he's not around I'm like "Boy? What boy?" I guess I'll just ride it out and see what happens. It's not like he's asking me to marry him or anything crazy like that...
Grey's Anatomy is on soon. That's enough about the boy... let's go find out what happens with McSurgeon-with-a-bullet-in-him.

Where is Jon Garland?

2006-05-10T22:36:00.000-05:00

So I went to get my Johnny baseball today at Walgreens and THEY WERE ALL OUT!! Now who am I supposed to kiss tonight before I go to bed?? C'mere Ellie! :^*

Warm fuzzies

2006-05-10T22:31:00.000-05:00

So I was telling my mom how I am on the no-money-for-groceries diet. There are literally like 4 things in my fridge- and unless I want to make a salad dressing smoothie, I am pretty much out of luck. Of course, being my mother and all, she asked me if I wanted money. I refused her help, and stated that I would be just fine. So my doorbell rings, and who should appear but my mom and dad with bags and bags of groceries! Fruits, veggies, cheese, lunch meat, pasta... the list goes on and on. AND my dad brought some of his pasta-with-zucchini (one of my faves!) for dinner. YUM!
I guess today was daughters-day... if only I could afford what my mom deserves for mother's day.

The lighter side

2006-05-09T16:26:00.000-05:00

The Chicago Sun-Times is running this White Sox promotional thing where you can get mini-baseballs which each of the player's faces on a different ball. If you collect them all, you can put them in the mini-stadium that came with the Sunday Sun-Times a few weeks ago. They are $2.99 each, and you have to get a different coupon from each day's edition of the Times. This is WAY too much time and effort for something so silly (even by my standards) BUT... Today's mini-baseball is none other than JON GARLAND!! My favorite! So, I am going to get it. Maybe I'll keep it by my bedside and kiss it goodnite before I go to bed each night...

WHAT am I doing??

2006-05-09T15:58:00.000-05:00

Ok... today's topic is far more serious than yesterdays.
Here is the deal. I am dating this guy who, if I'm really honest with myself, I am NOT into at all. Sure, he is fun to be around and he apparently is into me (which is nice, is it not?). But I am just not feeling it. So, let's make a pros and cons list, shall we?

PROS:

Um... he likes me. Lame, I know- but these guys are few and far between!
He is not looking for any type of committment. Normally this would go in the Cons column, but I don't want a commitment from him either, so at least we are on the same page.
He is really easy to talk to.
He is fun to be around because he makes me laugh.

CONS:

He works like 4,367 hours a week.
He drives a truck and wears pants with WAY too many pockets. (I know, that's two, but they're so petty they only count for 1.)
He NEVER offers to pay for ANYTHING. I don't need to be pampered, but it would be nice if he offered to buy dinner. (Or at least not ask me to pay for his beer... yes, it happened.)
He doesn't sweep me off my feet. Again, I don't mean on a materialistic level. I just mean the little things. Send me an e-mail when you are thinking about me. Play with my hair. Offer to give me a backrub. These are the things that I like to do for the guys I'm with, and I like it in return.
He likes country music and NASCAR. (Again, 1/2 point each).

I could keep going but what's the point? I already have more CONS than PROS- not to mention the fact that all of the PROS could be fufilled by my dogs. So now the question is- WHAT should I do?

Ignore all phone calls and e-mails.
Call him and tell him to bugger off.
Ask him to "just be friends".
Move to Abu Dhabi.
Ignore all CONS and keep dating him merely because of PRO #1.
Become a nun.
Talk to him about the things that I need that I don't feel I am getting from him. (Whoa, I think I just channeled Dr. Phil there- personally, I feel that option 4 seems less scary.)

Feel free to post your opinion on the matter... Any advice or the phone numbers of available men will be accepted with an open mind!

Yay... my first blog post!!

2006-05-08T19:03:00.000-05:00

Well, I have officially joined in the blog revolution. I was inspired by a girl I met at a Sox game. She has a blog and I went to it and I literally laughed out loud. I thought, "Surely, I can make people laugh too." Although, I wonder who will ACTUALLY read this thing. Will I be the only one who will laugh at the things that I think are funny? Scary, really. But then I realized that that is pretty much how my life goes anyway, so what the hell!?

Today's edition of "in my opinion" will focus on gym shorts. How the heck are we supposed to go to the gym and bend in all these crazy positions AND maintain some level of modestly when wearing those short little gym shorts!? ALSO... mine have this crazy way of bunching all up when my thighs rub together. TMI I'm sure, but I know that there are others out there experiencing the exact same phenomenon. Just admit it and let's get on with our lives.

Okay, I think I've said enough for now... I have to go e-mail people and tell them this website exists.